A sullen goodbye
by criticalkill
Summary: I tried to muster the strength to continue but I failed, I failed to fight on.
1. Chapter 1

A Sullen Goodbye

I never really got a chance to tell anybody about who I am. Not on the outside, but the inside. The guy who spends his free time watching worlds that don't exist play out in his mind. The teenager who is as proud of who he is just as much as he is scared. Scared of the judgment and isolation that the truth might bring. Scared that the truth might cause more damage than the burden of carry the secret. So it will forever stay hidden, and my stories forever lost. They never got finished, but maybe you thought of a better ending. One that you could take the happiness from and enjoy it for what it was worth. But as for me those days are gone. I'm not sure what the future will bring. But know this, I did not give up on this site, I did not give up on my stories, I did not give up on any of you, I gave up on myself. I gave up on those days where staying up till three in the morning just to get a story done seemed natural. I gave up on those endings where everyone was happy. I gave up on my very being as a writer. I have no excuse and I have no reason. I'm sorry that I preached a word that I was unable to follow. I want you people to continue on with this site and encourage everyone to keep writing. We are more than writers, we are dreamers, we are believers, we are the people on fanfiction, and we have a place in this world. ~Criticalkill


	2. Chapter 2

A Legacy Unknown

I...I don't understand it. I don't understand why I am who I am. Why I can't see what other people see in me. Reading through the reviews that people wrote I don't get it! All my life I've felt like an outcast. I've always believed that I was on the sidelines never getting the attention of anybody. That they just passed by, barely even caring about that crazy kid yelling on the corner. And then I read all of this, from everyone, saying that I was more then that. Most of the time I feel like I'm an empty shell. A shell with no meaning, no heart, and no drive. I don't know what happened to criticalkill. I feel like some time ago he died and I missed the funeral. Do I regret not trying to live on? Of course I do! But I've lost it. I've lost the ability to continue anything I wrote. I can't even start anything new. I see it all though. When I close my eyes their worlds seem so close, almost as if they were real. Yet when I open them they disappear. I can no longer embrace who I was, and it's killing me. I could never embrace it, I was too scared.

But no more! I'm tired of hiding it! I want to be able to look people in the eyes and tell them who I am. So yes, when I read all of those reviews my eyes welled. I couldn't believe who I was. I couldn't face the truth. And maybe that was my flaw all along. Maybe I could never truly appreciate who I was. Who I was supposed to be. Or maybe...maybe who I am is wrong. Maybe I've shunned away criticalkill. Maybe I'm the one to blame. I'm confused. I feel like I should continue but there's something stopping me. And if I ever do go back to writing it won't be on criticalkill. I can never live up to what he has done. I'm not him, I'll never be him. I'm...I'm just so lost…

I know that in the past people have disregarded me because I hide these sorts of things as stories. And I know what it has done. It's as if I was the little boy that cried wolf one to many times. But you have to understand, all my life I've felt as if I never belonged in any form of group. I never understood what it felt like to be needed anywhere other than my own family. So whenever I was given the chance to get acknowledgement I took it. And maybe some people just looked and mw and thought I was trying to grab attention. But hear me out, I never meant to make anyone feel sorry for me, or to think that I was anything more than a stranger. I've never know what it feels like to leave and form of impact, and I didn't know what kind of aftershock it would leave.

Those reviews that I got opened my eyes, but that is all. I was serious about not continuing with who I was. I can't, because no matter what it will feel like I just went through living as someone who I could never live up to.

I'm lost on my own decision. Trying to fight for someone that I'm not, and the other side telling me that it's a lost cause. I'm not sure who's winning, but I know this. Ever since I saw what people said, I went backed and looked at all that has happened since then. Not since this was posted, but the day that I found this site. I'm not sure what drove me to click a link on Google that lead to a site called fanfiction, or why me and my friend where arguing over something to do with Star Fox, or if the first story I ever read was done by XxSanitariumxX(That was an eye opener). I don't what drove me to come back to it either. But all throughout my time here I've made a difference. After I posted that last chapter I got a PM from a man by the name of LnCpl. Luke Tamaken. He is another person on this site, and what was said in it did something to me. Like I said early me eyes welled up quite a bit reading through what was said. The regret took me by surprise and I found myself in the middle of a life changing tug of war match.

All of this has put me in an indecisive state. I don't want to leave, but I can't…I can't figure out what to do. I'm sorry guys…


End file.
